Most people say that they could do with a bit more confidence at times.
Many of us find we can be confident about some things in our lives, but when faced with a new challenge or different situation to what we are normally used to, we begin to feel self-doubt and lack our ability to perform well.
Typical situations that challenge people’s confidence are:
- Speaking in public (for work, or a social occasion, like a wedding)
- Going for a job interview
- Going on a first date
- Speaking up in a new crowd
Life Coach Angela Dunbar explains that in all these scenarios, many people will trigger their own negative thinking long before the event actually happens. Typically when we think ahead to this kind of event, we will imagine ourselves looking uncomfortable, feeling awkward and sounding nervous.
If the picture in our mind’s eye as we look forward to the event is not a pretty site, we will begin to believe (subconsciously) we have already performed badly and our self-confidence will begin to falter.
The easy way to capture an immediate feeling of confidence is to consciously create your own positive picture of the occasion, and imagine yourself sounding great, looking fantastic and feeling wonderful! Can you think of an occasion when you did feel supremely confident? If so, remember what you looked like, what the people around you looked like, the sound of your own positive voice and the feeling of confidence inside.
Place yourself in the new event with all the confidence you remember from the past event. Notice how you create the picture in your mind’s eye.
- Is it a colour picture?
- Still or moving image?
- How big and how bright?
Imagine you are a film technician and adjust the picture to see what impact this has on your confidence. For many people if you imagine yourself, bigger and brighter it will accentuate the feeling of confidence.
Are you seeing yourself in the picture? If so, you have disassociated from the memory, as when it actually happened you wouldn’t have seen yourself because you’d have been looking through your own eyes. Have a go at seeing the picture through your own eyes again and feel the confidence increase once more.
Think of a word, or a picture or make a movement to remind you of the confidence you are feeling. Every time you think of the event, remember your positive picture and your personal reminder. By the time the event actually happens, you should automatically feel the confidence by simply remembering your personal reminder.
When the situation goes well, remember to notice your own positive feelings so you can build on this next time you need to work at feeling confident.
Angela Dunbar is a qualified accredited Life Coach and Master NLP Practitioner. Angela helps people with confidence issues as well as clarifying life and career goals, finding new directions and improving communications and relations: www.angeladunbar.co.uk