Relationship Conflict: 5 Deadly Mistakes and
What to Do Instead
Relationship Conflict: 5 Deadly Mistakes and What to Do
Instead
By Jeff
Herring
While conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is
optional.
The
secret is in how you approach and
handle the conflict. It can make the difference between a
really great relationship and a breakup looking for a place to
happen.
With that notion in mind, let's take a look at five styles
of handling conflict, along with alternative solutions for
each.
Ready-Fire-Aim
These folks are the shooters of conflict. They live by the
motto "cross me and you will pay." Instead of ready-aim-fire,
they shoot first and ask questions later. This style causes
lots of damage and usually serves to isolate the shooter.
Alternative solution: In the words of Stephen Covey, "Seek
first to understand, then to be understood." If you take the
time to understand someone and that person's point of view,
it's a whole lot easier to keep your shooter in its
holster.
Crock potters
They let a conflict simmer for a while. Sometimes it can be
as harmless as needing to mull things over before handling
conflict. At their worst, crock potters simmer and seethe,
building resentments, blowing up, or both.
Alternative solution: It can be healthy and productive to
mull it over before you respond in a conflict. Instead of
allowing it to boil over, agree on a time you will sit down
together and calmly address the conflict.
Me right/you wrong
This style of conflict really is as primitive as Tarzan.
People who hold tightly to the right to be right can go to just
about any length to prove they are right, even to the point of
ending the relationship.
Alternative solution: Punt. Give up the right to be right.
Check out what you might be able to learn from the other point
of view, which might even be as valid as your own. Shocking, I
realize, but highly possible. The simple truth is that in
marriage there are times when you can be right or be happy, but
not both.
Tomb-ers
They elevate the infamous silent treatment to an art form.
Conflict arises and they shut down. When you ask what's wrong,
their reply is either "nothing" or "everything's fine," but you
know better.
Alternative solution: Usually tomb-ers have a strong fear of
conflict, believing that any conflict will end the
relationship. Quite the opposite is true _ not dealing with the
conflict can kill the relationship from within. Here are some
words to begin with: "Can I tell you what I'm uncomfortable
with here?"
Historians
They remember every fault, mistake and blunder ever made by
their partner, including what was said, what you wore and where
you were standing at the time. And, they're more than willing
to remind you, in detail.
Alternative solution: Get a dry-erase board. Write the
current conflict on the blank board. Deal with it. Resolve it.
Erase it. Over, done with, gone.
I'm guessing that you have identified your partner's style
of conflict. Now, read back through the categories and ask
yourself:
Which one am I?
For more immediately useable tips and tools for your
relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's
interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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